fighter along the way

cross your fingers for Lebanon

2006-07-15T14:33:00.000+03:00

I

2006-07-05T09:34:00.000+03:00

have you ever felt nothing?
or been searching for a way to check if you're really alive...
have you ever paused for a second to hear yor breath...so you know you're still conscious?
I HAVE
do you know what it means to lose EVERYTHING?
do you keep fixing your broken smile so that no one will see what's beneath your skin
I DO
are you suffering from a helpless disease?
are you in a denial at the moment?
are you hystiracally into someone you know you should never feel for him/her?
I AM
so that's me?
i dont really know what's this about
i feel someone has been holding my head under ice cold water

...

2006-06-27T11:54:00.000+03:00

القبر بارد يا أمي ... أرسلي لي قميصا من الصوف
~~أحلام مستغانمي~~

طلعلي البكي - فيروز

2006-06-23T09:03:00.002+03:00

بالقهوة البحرية و طلّع بإيديك
وتشرب من فنجانك و اشرب من عينيك
وتهرب مني تضيع .. و ما ارجع لاقيك
وانت قاعد حدي و عم فتش عليك
وخبي وجي شوفك مدري مع مين ..

GUilt

2006-05-28T09:18:00.000+03:00

NEVER tell a friend you love them...NEVER
dont give yourself excuces that you want to be honest bla bla bla
just get rid of your feelings...and Save your friendship
she acted like a saint......or maybe she really is.....
it came out in a very weired way....and it DID hurt alot..
I HURT HER....I would've cut myself into zillion pieces before hurting her...
I am sorry my friend....am sorry my sister....you're just more than great... and you want us to forget this..yes I want you to forget this ..but HOW will I?
she thinks Lesbianism is "treatable"..and since we were planning to see a therapist for my depression..now sht thinks we have more reasons...
All I feel Is GUILT GUILT GUILT...

Friendship Disguise

2006-05-11T01:45:00.000+03:00

I'm so sick of hiding......I'm so sick of pretending...and I want to go of my disguise just ONCE....
I cried my eyes out today../infront of her!
I couldnt handle it,dear friend... it's being hell hiding this forever,my friend..
You know darling,your friend is tired...she's in love with someone and she can never say it,friend...
dont keep saying you love me, friend....I cant take this "friendly love" anymore...dont hold my hand..I'm afraid my hands are gonna say it.. please dont keep looking in my eyes...cuz am screaming inside that "I LOVE YOU"...
and I dont know now....what to feel guilty for.... falling for my best friend?..or being a lesbian...?..or maybe just being the ME i am...
I've been clean from cutting for a while...and it's all cuz of her...
will you ever hear my quite cry?

Because we ARE Different

2006-05-06T01:14:00.000+03:00

hmm I just got an idea...since I noticed that almost all the lesb girls I know wear their watched on their right hands....I thought why not having this as a hidden sign....I mean if you are gay...you can wear your watch on your right hand...and make it a sign....
if you like the idea..please try to spread it.....

//because I am different..I wear my watch on the right hand//

Back !!

2006-05-02T02:21:00.000+03:00

well...yes am kinda back............and i was encouraged by

إمرأة/'>http://emraamethlya.blogspot.com">إمرأة مثلية

I'm not sure am staying....and i dont realy know what am gonnd be writing....am always on and off ...blah
will try to write soon............

ironic

2005-11-05T04:16:00.000+02:00

now that's really ironic...i'vent been here for ages..whatever
all i want to say is that i told that same new friend that am lesbian..dont ask me how i did that cuz i dont know myself...
anyway..am not me...it's just like..........ehhhh :-#

untiteled

2005-10-12T23:57:00.000+02:00

it's been ages since i rant in here..and yeah i dont feel it's like home..i dont feel fine i went through hell..and i cant get it into words.

Rain

2005-09-25T00:15:00.000+03:00

it's raining again....YAY! I love rain...hope I can have a walk..but it's already a bet late..and i have nothing to do but staying and watching the rain washing everything...how I wish it can erase all the pain inside of me...

disappointment

2005-09-24T00:54:00.000+03:00

Tonight,I went out with some new friend to have a drink....I was hoping deep inside that I can be myself with her...because I though that she’s open minded enough to accept what other dont here...and as we were chatting..she told me about her cousine that lives in some country in the gulf....and how is she surrounded by lesbians that she cant deal with...she told me all the details...waiting my super-shocked face...and yeah.that was it..I put a “shocked to death” face and started saying things that I dont believe in myself...!!
Yeah as usual..feeling weired and not able to be myself even for a minute...so am finding noone but strangers to talk with them about the real me..while am someone else with my closest best friend....

nice ;)

2005-09-18T01:51:00.000+03:00

First Post

2005-09-17T11:40:00.000+03:00

I’ve been thinking..” what should I write in the first post!”... and decided it’ll be about the ironic side of my blog.... life is ironic..isnt it?.. just Alanis song came to my mind now..well am thinking in another side..about the way we act,think.. the way we deal with eachothers...and most of all...the way we express ourselves...or to be more specified...the way we lie about who we really are...
For a very long time.... i used to think that all the people were born innocent...and there’s no evil..but the circumestances and the atmosphere creat the evil people....stupid huh?
Yeah..I no longer think about it in THAT way...now it’s more about hating people...those creatures that have ignored their humanity...and just seems like vampires...ok ok i really dont want to go further in that...i wanna express my feelings...and that’s what i will do...am gonna put a spot light ..on the ignorance and fear that me (and MOST of lesbian in my society) have to face...